A Conversation with Myself


I have had this conversation in my head for a week now and I wasn’t sure how to write it out. First I tried it like an interview. That was okay, but I quickly realized that the format really lent itself to theater. So I reworked it as a one act play. I haven’t done writing for the theater in years. I left out all the stage directions so as not to bore everyone to death.

Special thanks to Maleesha who offered me some helpful editing. Your suggestions rocked!!

A Conversation With Myself.
A Play in one act.
Written and copyrighted by George Parnell, 2009.

Setting: Bare stage with a desk. One chair behind the desk and two in front. A single spotlight shines on the center of the scene.

ME: Heart? Thanks for coming in today. We need to have a serious talk….

HEART: Really? What’s troubling you George? You seem upset and worried and…

ME: Ok, look…I know you are my heart and it’s part of your shtick to be all emotional and caring and worrying about me, but I have to ask you to just stop and listen to me for a minute.

H: ok….

M: I have to ask you for a big favor…

H: I will do what I can.

M: I need you to stop chasing after these hopeless and pointless infatuations.

H: Um, stop? You do realize that’s part of my job description right?

M: What do you mean?

H: Well it says right here in my Terms of Service that as your heart, I have free reign to blindly go forward, chasing after the dreams that you and your rational mind may deem unnecessary and distracting. By this contract, I have the right and the mandate to pursue the very things that you are afraid to pursue.

M: Don’t you understand that what you do is……..

H: What I do is necessary and you have no recourse or ability to reign me in.

M: Wait, wait…slow down here… You don’t have to quote from the Employee Handbook for George, ok?Now, I know full well what your function is. And, may I say you do a fine job.

H: Thank you…that’s touching…

M: But what you have been doing lately? You recent activities have been detrimental to the whole company, so to speak. Your ambitions and activities have caused me more than a few sleepless nights…

H: That’s just you over thinking…

M: Let me finish. You have been going in 100 directions at once. We need to find a way for you to have a little focus and perspective and…

H: Focus and perspective??? Pssssh! That’s your job! Intellect and rationale? That’s all you! Me? I am governed by whimsy and lust. I find what you desire most and then your job is to sort out the details.

M: But while you fixate so much on the impossible and unattainable, I find myself missing out on perfectly good opportunities around me. We need to work together.

H: No we don’t. Without me, you would have no dreams, no aspirations and no hope.

M: Ok, that’s a little extreme…

H: Is it really?

M: I think so, yes.

H: Hmmmmm… And what “opportunities” are you missing out on around you? Do tell…

M: Well,  for starters, I ran into an ex girlfriend the other day….

H: Wait wait wait wait!! Is that what this is about? You run into an ex girlfriend and you think I should have felt something? Is that it?

M: Well, yeah….I mean, did you see what she was wearing?

H: Noooo! For Crying out loud! Don’t you remember? We have been down that road already with her and in case you didn’t notice, I still have the scars….

M: Oh she didn’t break you that bad….

H: Typical! And you wonder why I don’t return most of your calls… Do you really want to give her the opportunity to put us through the ringer again? Really? I’m sorry; I’m not with you on that at all.

M: Well, it was just a thought, but definitely a far more realistic thought than your ambitions. Why are you so weak for anyone with red hair?

H: It’s not a weakness and I think you and I both know it’s not just red hair. It’s a smile, the way she cranes her neck, a soft giggle….

M: Allright, settle down…

H: I’m just sayin’….. And it’s not just the redhead. You know what I’m talking about….

M: Hmmm?

H: There’s the blonde….

M: Mmm the blonde, *sighs* She is really sweet…

H: And don’t forget that sales girl you fell head over ass for….

M: See that’s different, she at least goes to the same bars I go to…

H: And then there’s that brunette…. Rawr! She just rocks your little world, doesn’t she?

M: Ah yes, the brunette….Well, to be honest, yeah she definitely leaves me a little breathless….but wait! That’s not the point!! You are getting me off track again! Look! Bottom line is this; I want you to come on board and work with me. I want a goal that’s attainable.You don’t have to be all logical like me. Baby steps, my friend. If we work together, maybe we can work towards some of your goals and some of my goals and find a happy medium.

H: But you see, that’s completely against my nature. My purpose here is to be that ridiculous driving force behind your ambitions. I have to give you outlandish goals, aspire for love from unattainable women, and make your pulse race every time you catch a glimpse of red hair. I give you that excitement when you see your name in print when your art is being shown someplace. I’m that swelling of pride when someone compliments you on your writing or a painting.

M: Huh?

H: I am your core.
It is up to you to decipher and discover what you truly want. If I stopped doing my job and didn’t present you with hundreds of directions, as you put it, where would that leave you? No ambition, no hope. Sure, you have some sleepless nights because of me and yes, I know that love and lust and dating are complex issues! But when it comes to matters of the heart, the Handbook clearly states, “It’s complicated”.

M: Really? The hand book just says that?

H: The heart wants what the heart wants and there’s nothing you can do about it.

M: But don’t you see? That’s the very heart of the problem!

H: …….Very funny. Oh you and your whitty puns….

M: Sorry, no pun intended. It’s just that I want things to be neat and organized. I want to meet someone, fall in love, get married and live a little of the American dream. But because of all your distractions, I can’t!

H: Am I that distracting?

M: Are you kidding? Lets have a look at what a typical day is with you:  Let’s paint this week! Think I’ll try my hand at writing! Oooh  I got a new camera! I must be a photographer now! Let’s ignore the bills and go waste money on art supplies. Hey, Best Buy is having a sale! New Computer! Oh and don’t get me started on the women! A simple smile or a kind word from anyone of the female persuasion and you are off to the races, my friend. You seem to tell me that every positive gesture, a touch, a smile, a kind word is some sign that she’s interested.

H: But what if they really are interested and you are just selling yourself short, like I’ve been telling you for years now.

M: ……. I hadn’t thought of that.

H: And that’s why you need me. Ha

M: Ok, I get it. But you have to work with me. I can’t have you running off all the time. I swear, you are worse than a three year old sometimes. But instead of “Hey look! Shiny!”, it’s “Hey look! Breasts!” and you are off being distracted from what really needs to be done. Can you at least agree to try to work with me?

H: Well, I guess I could fixate more on their legs and asses if that would help…

M: Hold onto that thought. What I need you to do is to limit the amount of time we spend distracted by red hair and breasts and smiles. Do you remember the time we got on the wrong train in Boston and ended up on a nonstop train to Braintree all because you were distracted by some red hair?

H: Ok, that story is so old it deserves a place in a retirement community…

M: The point is, let’s work together.

H: ……..I don’t know….it goes against everything I stand for….

M: Please? I’m begging you here….

H: I can’t make any promises. I am driven by your deepest desires. Sometimes, I’m going to disappoint you. Sometimes, I’m going to let you down. You have to accept that we are often at cross-purposes.

M: I can live with that as long as you agree to keep those distractions to a minimum just so I can  attain a few of my short-term goals without being sidetracked. Deal?

H: Deal. But please, for both of us, do NOT call that ex girlfriend again. That would be embarrassing for both of us I think.

M: Fine. But don’t blame me if passing on the opportunity to get laid causes me to stare uncontrollably at the bouncing bits at the gym.

H: You want to be the creepy staring guy at the gym now?

M: Shut up, that’s not what I meant.

H: Sure, but you may want to speak to the Id about that.

M: I know, he should be here anytime now. I told him we were having this meeting….

ID: You wanted to see me?

M: Yes Id, thanks for coming and FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! Would you please pull your pants up?!!!!

ID: Sorry, I was surfing the web for porn earlier and….

M: Allright! Allright! Now look Id, sit down, we have to have a serious talk…..


14 responses to “A Conversation with Myself

  1. I liked your one act play. So that’s what the heart is for…my brain works in overdrive.

    Thanks Natalie! Been a long time since I’ve tried writing dialogue…

  2. This was great, George.

    I forced my own heart to completely submit to my brain a few years back– led to a very unhappy five years.

    A heart is meant to be fierce and free…but it’s okay to have a little protection around it, a prophylactic heart, if you will.

    She’s out there. Wondering “Where the hell is he?”

    One time I gave Tom a little pinch (a very little pinch). He asked: “What was that for?”

    My answer: “For taking so long to get here.”

    Keep your chin up and maybe wear shades while working out? 🙂

    I started this partly as a an autobiographical piece and you are right, some of these details are me lamenting whats missing from my life, but some of the details are there for silliness and dramatic exposition.
    I love the idea of you pinching him for not being there sooner, thats just tooooo cute 🙂

  3. Awesome!! Love it. I have this fight all the time, but I beat the hell out of that lil heart of mine, and it obeys now. 🙂

    I wouldn’t call it a fight, more of a job review and such…and right now, the heart is a little too hell-bent on it’s own agenda…
    somehow, I picture you with a crowbar beating the hell out of a helpless heart on the ground…think that should be your next painting… 🙂

  4. Hey George! Sorry, this was awesome and so is Maleesha! 🙂 Anyway, to answer your question, Five Star Friday is a weekly group of links to good blog posts that a Canadian blogger named Schmutzie puts together. You can nominate any blog post you like (it has to be a post, not an entire blog) and she will include it at her site. I have the badge with the link to her site in my sidebar – sorry I should have copied and brought over here but I’m too lazy, LOL). Anyway, keep a look out because you may be included this week and it will just be extra traffic for you and your post. 🙂

    Thank you so much Teeni! Extra traffic is a good thing 🙂 I’m honored….

  5. I’m fighting with my heart right now (stupid mushy distraction). Love would be so much easier if we all thought with our heads instead of our hearts. So I solute you George for writing what’s exactly in my heart (so to speak). 🙂

  6. I’m fighting with my heart right now (stupid mushy distraction). Love would be so much easier if we all thought with our heads instead of our hearts. So I solute you George for writing what’s exactly in my heart (so to speak… except for your fascination with breasts). 🙂

    Reading your reply I came up with the following equation:
    YOU + ME + BREASTS = All on the same page.
    That sounded so much better in my head…now written out, it looks a little perverted…

  7. Great post.
    I have had several talks with my heart too.
    Thankfully my logic takes over before it’s too late.

    Logic never seems to work for my heart….I always seem to be chasing after the unnattainable…logic just never enters into it

  8. This was GREAT!
    You are the new Arthur Miller!

    Arthur Miller? He wrote whole plays with several acts and overarching themes and complex characters…
    Me? I just wrote a little one act…. I think Mr Miller would take offense at the comparison, but I thank you forthe compliment anyway… 🙂

  9. Oh and also:

    “We make out of the quarrel with others, rhetoric, but of the quarrel with ourselves, poetry.” (William Butler Yeats)

    Beautiful quote…. 🙂

  10. George, I liked this.

    You, Charlie Brown, and redheads.

    Allison, I’m a little confused…am I supposed to be Charlie Brown? Yellow shirts are not my thing… 😉
    Edited to add: Ok, I’m an idiot…I get your analogy: I’m Charlie Brown and redheads are the football…..

  11. Hey, this was an interesting read. I’ve been having some variant of this conversation with myself also, these past few months.

    Thanks for visiting my blog> I always like meeting other writers and creative types.

    Hi Rachel, I’m glad you stopped by! It’s kind of comforting to know that so many people have been having this same conversation and I’m not the only one trying to reign in their heart. 🙂 And I absolutely loved your blog! Those meme’s are great! May end up stealing a few of those from you… 🙂

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